If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
