you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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