Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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