What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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