The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we're making bets on your personal life
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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