Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
