If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dicks are not precious.
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