she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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