Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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