i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
worst night to have a conscience
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
