If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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