So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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