highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
