Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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