Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
