tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
