I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
