I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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