he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
