okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When are your genitals available?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
