you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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