I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You're a waste of cheezeits
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
