do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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