I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
