He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
