nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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