Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Randomize
