yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
