just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
