don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
