i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
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drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Floor bacon is actually really good
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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