Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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