I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
