i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't deserve a penis
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
