I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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