im drinking this country out of the recession.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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