I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
