im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
