my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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