Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize