The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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