can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
