Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
