yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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