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Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
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