considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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