Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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