Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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