i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
