the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
