No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So. Much. Porn.
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