hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
