every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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