He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
