This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
