There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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