I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
