I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
