WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
