You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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