Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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