He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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