I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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