Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
