So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
