alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
