end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
