Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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